During an affair women usually spend a great deal of time weighing the differences between their husbands and their lovers with the hope of making a decision as to whether they want to stay married or get divorced. But, as I explain in Women’s Infidelity II, they rarely reach a decision because comparing a husband with a lover is like comparing a refrigerator with a TV. Each provides something entirely different from the other, thereby making comparisons completely ineffective.
As I also explain, there are ways women can know if their feelings for the other man are real. But, having said that, affair partners usually aren’t good replacements for a spouse; instead they are good complements to a spouse. In other words, the people we choose to have affairs with are rarely the people we would choose to marry or be in a long-term relationship with – if we were single.
When we’re open to an affair, our standards are lower “overall” because we’re already getting some of our needs met, so we’re not looking for the total package, so to speak.