Feelings During An Affair… “If Feels So Good! It Hurts So Bad!”
When The Heart (Emotional/Unconscious Mind) And the Head (Rational/Conscious Mind) Disagree
During an affair, women spend a lot of time and energy ‘comparing’ and weighing the differences between their husbands and their affair partners. If you’re like most women, I’m sure you probably believe that, eventually, all of your “thinking” will lead you to a decision – a decision as to whether you want to ‘stay married‘ or ‘get divorced‘. Unfortunately, nothing could be farther from the truth…
However, it’s impossible to accurately assess an affair partner as a “real-life” partner until AFTER you get divorced. The fact is leaving a spouse for an affair partner automatically moves the affair partner into a different category; and therefore, turns the affair partner into something else entirely. By that, I mean, the affair partner stops causing one type of chemical to be produced inside your brain and instead causes a different type of chemical to be produced.
So, again, you really can’t get any ‘data’ for how your affair partner will be as a “real-life” relationship partner in an exclusive pair-bond until after you leave your husband – and on some level, you probably already know this. In fact, if you’re like most women, you’re quite aware of what you’re really getting from the affair: passion and excitement. The simple truth is new sexual partners energize us, and that’s what women (and men) really love about affairs; it’s the ENERGY.
I’m sure you don’t want to lose all the energy and zest for life that you’re getting from the affair. As I explain in Women’s Infidelity II, women often view staying in their their marriages as a form of death. However, women only feel this way because they don’t believe it’s possible for their relationships with their husbands to be fulfilling – but this isn’t necessarily true.
Generally Speaking, Affair Partners Usually Aren’t Good Replacements For A Spouse.
Generally speaking, affair partners usually aren’t good replacements for a spouse; instead they’re good ‘complements’ to a spouse. In other words, the people we choose to have affairs with are rarely the people we would choose to marry or be in a long-term relationship with – if we were single.
When we’re open to an affair, our standards are lower because we’re already getting some of our needs met by our spouse, so we’re not looking for the total package, so to speak; instead, we’re only looking for ‘what’s missing’. In fact, when I coach women they often bring this up. Women regularly say things like, “The man I’m seeing really isn’t my type. I’m normally not attracted to men like him.”