How Your Wife’s Affair is Affecting Your Brain
Why Men ‘Literally’ Can’t Think Straight After Discovering Their Wives Affairs
As Dawson Church explains in his book, Mind to Matter, “When our consciousness is disrupted by stress…We’re afflicted by “brain fog,”…When we’re upset…we’re easily confused, and our cognitive abilities plummet…We are unable to be objective and consider a problem realistically. Stress can result in a drain of more than 70 percent of the frontal lobes, the cognitive centers of the brain.”
Church also writes, “The parts of the brain tasked with emotional regulation are also the ones that handle working memory…Working memory involves awareness, enabling you to remain focused,,,and to sort relevant from irrelevant information. When your emotions are disturbed, those parts of the brain go offline…You then make poor decisions. When you learn effective emotional regulation…you are able to control your emotions, freeing up the brain’s memory circuits to run your life wisely.”
The most basic fundamental difference between men who save their marriages and men who move through the stages is: Men who save their marriages have the capacity to self-regulate.
As Dr. Gabor Maté explains in his book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, “No one is born with the capacity for self-regulation…the infant is completely dependent on the parents to regulate his physical and psychological states. Because self-regulation is a developmental achievement, we reach it only if the conditions for development are right. Some people never attain it; even in advanced adulthood they must rely on some external support to quell their discomfort and soothe their anxiety.”
Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to regulate our emotions, (at least, not in effective and healthy ways) so we live at the mercy of external circumstances; oftentimes, without even knowing how vulnerable we are until a major life crisis hits. The “one” thing men must do when they’re faced with a crisis of infidelity is learn effective self-regulation techniques; because the alternative is to spiral down through the stages.
Recent brain research has given us the information and tools we need to decrease our stress and increase our brain functioning. If you’ve ever questioned whether stress affects how well your brain functions; sure your wife’s affair has answered that question for you.
Men who see themselves in the stages must make a conscious decision to begin a daily stress reduction practice; because reducing their stress will restore their cognitive abilities. Counseling can be beneficial and can help to reduce stress; but talk therapy isn’t enough. Men need to do something that involves the body; because that’s where we hold pain and stress.
The right direction and ongoing support can change the trajectory of men’s marriages pretty quickly, but in order for men to feel secure again in their relationships, they must trust their own minds. Learning effective emotional regulation eliminates men’s self-doubt and restores their confidence and trust in themselves.
The Best Stress Reduction Techniques
EFT Tapping, meditation, deep breathing exercises, a daily 30 minute walk (outside, in nature), and any activity that moves you into a flow state––these activities will help your brain come into coherence. The most rapid benefits I’ve personally experienced are from EFT Tapping. Unfortunately, it took a long time for me to look into Tapping because I thought it was––weird. But there’s nothing weird about it. After learning about tapping, it made perfect sense; and there’s plenty of scientific research to back up the benefits.
Do An Honest Assessment. Do You Feel Out Of Control?
Men often know what they need to do, but they have difficulty remaining consistent in their efforts because their emotions are constantly getting triggered by their wives’ behavior. If you’re moving through the stages, it’s crucial that you do an honest assessment to determine whether you can manage your anxiety and get your emotions under control on your own. If you’re feeling out of control and your behavior has become compulsive—don’t put off getting the help you need. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling – so you can stop analyzing—and stop operating from a mindset that leads to divorce.
#1 Source For Information About Female Infidelity
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn the REAL reasons women cheat, and:
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time getting over their affairs emotionally and psychologically
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn how to understand your feelings for your husband, and:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: Learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling
Get The Information You Need To Move Forward