Reviews & Letters from Readers
Due to the personal nature of the letters and emails we receive some of the the names have been changed and/or last names omitted.
I just happened across your website today and what I’ve found is truly enlightening. As a psychologist I did have occasion to study marriage and marriage counseling to some degree but my primary interest has always been in working with children and adolescents.
Clearly there is a significant absence of information such as yours being disseminated to graduating psychologists in training. Having been down the marital breakup path, I can also clearly attest to the accuracy of your conclusions.
You have provided me with a wealth of insight that will serve me well in my professional work but more importantly, at least for me, you have helped me to understand some of the primary if not the primary factor in the eventual failure of my own marriage. I witnessed, seemingly from the sidelines, the changes my wife was going through and had no real insight into what was really happening. I went through all of the motions and attempts at rekindling things in my marriage, all to no avail. I eventually found out that my wife had been having a number of extramarital affairs and ultimately was crushed by this revelation. How could my wife ever do something like that. She was always in my eyes, one of the “good girls”. The dutiful wife and mother of our three children. I felt we were happily married but my wife just didn’t like sex anymore and I wanted it more than ever.
I specifically remember the night she came home from a night out with one of her girlfriends and seemingly out of the blue, told me that she wanted some time alone and that she felt we should separate, at least for awhile. At this point I was unaware of any infidelity and when the possibility was broached by friends, including a close friend of hers, I recoiled and said that there was no way. Not my wife. She was just unhappy and stressed out with the demands of raising our three kids. She often suggested that she was tired, suffering from TMJ or other ailments and ultimately would communicate such to me as a means of avoiding sex.
In searching for an explanation I contemplated possible physiological answers, maybe she was Bipolar, maybe her testosterone levels were low LOL. She wouldn’t let me near her and was always angry. Inevitably she cited a number of different reasons for wanting to leave but none ever really seemed to be legitimate.
In the end we did separate and divorce and she went on to live with who I believe was the last of a string of men she had been involved with, but she remained angry and antagonistic towards me.
I now realize that the anger that she directs at me probably rests in the resentment and guilt that she feels towards herself. She was raised in a very conservative environment in which leaving your husband or infidelity would be looked upon very negatively. I needed to be viewed as a bad husband for her to justify her actions. She had also always been quite sensitive to social perceptions around what was appropriate behavior for a woman.
In the four years since she finally moved out she has remained with her boyfriend but what I’ve noticed is that the spark that I had seen in her when she first left, has slowly fizzled and faded out. I wasn’t her first marriage and I expect her current relationship may not be her last. She just turned 40 a few months ago but I don’t see any immediate stability for her in her current relationship. I expect that she will be looking for that high again if in fact she is not already out there searching or indulging herself presently. If I note a newfound spark in her presentation, I think I may know from what it stems.
Anyways, I do thank-you for writing such an insightful and informative book and will share it with my numerous friends who are currently experiencing similar marital challenges, as well as some of my professional colleagues who are more directly involved in working with couples. Thanx again, Dr. D
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“…chapter , alone, is worth the US cover price…what is here is impressive…” Donna Dillman, GRIP Magazine
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I just finished reading your book and I give it an A++. I read lots of books and this one stands out as having the potential to change my way of thinking. This book should be required reading for every male and female of dating and marriage age, and especially college students. You are clearly a deep thinker who has spent endless hours unraveling the paradox of modern male-female power dynamics. I’ll be interested in seeing what your next project will be…Thank you for all your honesty, balance and even-handedness in terms of calling men and women to task for their charades, for the years of research, and for all the struggle and commitment it took to put this out there. May life reward you greatly for the work that you are doing. Sincerely, Bernard
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I never write testimonials, and seldom review books. Yours however, is exceptional. Thanks so much for your insight into women’s affairs & midlife crises. If there is a “women code” that corresponds to the “man code” your book violates it. For that I am eternally grateful. Your book provided me with a compass and powerful insights that guided me through the most confusing and difficult time of my life. This kind of insight simply was not available anywhere else.
My wife was able to tell me the truth last night while we had a good heart-to-heart conversation. It appears that we have a good chance of our separation concluding with my wife moving back home and us working on our marriage together. It was a treacherous journey, one that I would have most surely bungled without your book. Best Regards, Mike Lucas
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I am a very successful executive, similar to “Kevin” in your book (except only married once). I just read your book cover to cover. Two sittings… much of it with … my wife. We can never thank you enough. I believe it was a key to saving our happy marriage. Let me explain.
I have been married to the same wonderful woman for 28 years. The reason for me reading the book relates to incidents that occurred a long time ago. The reasons the truth came to light and the outcome in this case (very positive) was very directly the result of reading the truths in your book and overcoming lifelong lies imbedded in my belief system about women’s sexuality. We will be using your book as a guide for addressing the subject with our two daughters and others we know are affected. Again, my most sincere thanks for a wonderful book. Keith Redkin
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I wanted to write to say thank you for putting together all this hard work and sharing it with the world. I have been reading your book all week and have found it to be completely insightful and clarifying. I have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old at home. I have not engaged in an affair but over the last few months have definitely considered looking for it. After reading your book I no longer feel insane for my ‘feelings’ and ‘desires’. I feel a bit guilty but I also recognize that as a normal part of being female. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I feel clearer now than I have for a long time. I know my whole family is going to benefit from this information. Thank you, keep up the good work. Katie Little
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Your book is the book that everyone’s been waiting for. I can’t believe how informative and incredibly insightful your book is, I felt like I was reading my own owner’s manual. As a woman, I can honestly say that there isn’t one word of your book that I don’t agree with. Thank you for writing this book, it has helped me to understand so much about myself. I really believe that everyone should read your book. For all the reasons you discuss, women just DO NOT understand themselves and this creates many problems in relationships. Reading your book has not only changed my marriage, it has changed my life! My deepest thanks, Stacey
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Ms Langley, I have just finished reading your book in 2 days. It is the best book I ever read on the issue of love, relationships, … and I have been concerned, thinking and writing about the issue for many years. With this email I hope to get in contact with you and exchange ideas. Hans Comjin
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Michelle, I wanted to contact you expressing my thanks and congratulations for your work on your own life and having done the research and compiled these 2 extremely insightful books. I have been reading 50 or so books on relationships, passionate love and affairs, probably read all there is about affairs, and I can say, yours is one of the best, if not THE best there is on the subject. I have met so many stories of men wondering why their wives don’t want them any more, and after reading your books, the dots are finally connected…I am so convinced of your work, I have asked the local library to put them in stock. Thank You and Good Work! “Jordan Gunther
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Like most readers, I am awed & very lucky to have stumbled upon your book & feel lucky to be let in on the honesty of those men & women who you’ve interviewed. You have gone out into the real world to see it how it really is without a PHD but with a pair of listening ears & armed with questions… After reading your book I got the courage to sit my husband down and tell him the truth & all of it. Yes I had strong feelings, yes it was real & yes it could have been a problem. When I told him the truth the first time, it was a slightly distorted truth – Stage 1. My husband and & I very much enjoy each other’s company & pleasure, yet I go through times when I feel empty. (Tired? Hormones? Low Chemistry?) I find he is more understanding when I let him know how I’m feeling. I find that it takes a load off from playing the ‘perfect wife’ role. (He actually doesn’t care if the dishes aren’t done, dinner not cooked). I have also just gone through the ‘bored stage’… You have helped me crack the core of my phobia. Reading ‘Living in Limbo’ has actually put the light on many underlying issues…So I want to thank you again for helping me understand…& lifting that heavy load.
Many thanks to you & all the men & women who have been courageous in share their stories! Desi
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I am so grateful to have read these books and have recommended them to several people I know. This is my second affair and after reading these books I have truly come to the place where I am breaking outta limbo. I am done with living that way it’s too hard. My husband and I have talked and put everything out there. We have been the most honest with each other than we have ever been in 18 years.
Thank you so much for writing these books, I’m feeling better and better every day. Suzanne