The Affair Triangle: Are You Guilty Of Rewarding Your Wife For Cheating?
The role men play in their wives’ affairs.
As Debbie Ford tells us in her book, The Right Questions, “It’s human nature to opt for the quick fix, preferring to suffer the consequences of our behavior . . . later. Our desires in the moment win out over our commitments for the future. Choices made in the heat of the moment, without a thought for their consequences, are choices based on instant gratification…Instant gratification ensures that we will travel in the same vicious circles again and again.”
If you’re like most men who are moving through the stages, you probably don’t want to accept that letting go is the solution; because it’s the one thing you don’t ‘feel’ like doing. But unfortunately, this is how men become players in the affair triangle. Men become players in the affair triangle when they cave in to the temptation to feel pain … later. When men decide to postpone experiencing the intensity of their pain, they fall into the same addictive pattern as their wives; and they actually end up feeding their wives addiction, and stoking their wives desire for the ‘other’ man.
The passion, excitement and incredible sex women experience in their affairs is primarily due…
The passion, excitement and incredible sex women experience in their affairs is primarily due to the secrecy involved and the fear of getting caught. However, once the affair is discovered, there’s an automatic reduction in intensity that occurs as women’s fantasy world implodes and they’re thrust back into reality. Unfortunately, this reduction in intensity and re-entry into reality is often only temporary for women––because of their husbands’ reaction.
When men profess their love to their wives, beg their wives not to leave them and offer to do anything to get their wives to stay in the marriage, they automatically cause their wives to minimize and justify their behavior. Men who hit the pause button on their lives to wait for their wives to decide if they want to give up their affairs cause their wives to do the same — minimize and justify their behavior.
Sadly, men who move through the stages ‘reward’ their wives for cheating. These men turn their wives into the stars of their very own soap operas, and yet they expect their wives to stop doing the behavior that’s getting them more attention than they’ve ever received and causing their husbands to be more attracted to them than they’ve ever been. You see, when women are having affairs, they’re not only getting attention from another man; they’re also getting their husband’s undivided attention, too. This is why the husband’s reaction is so important.
The fact is your wife can’t have an affair without you; an unsuspecting spouse or, a frightened, and desperate spouse are necessary ingredients in an affair. If at least one of these things isn’t present—an affair can’t exist. An affair without secrecy or a frightened, desperate third party isn’t an affair––it’s a relationship. And the last thing people having affairs want, whether they realize it or not, is a relationship––what they want is passion and excitement. The quickest way to kill the passion and excitement of an affair is for the affair to move from a fantasy that exists primarily in the mind––to a real-life relationship that exists out in the real world.
The betrayed spouse has a tremendous amount of power; they have the power to break the magical spell of the affair, by turning the affair into a ‘regular ole’ relationship.
Do An Honest Assessment. Do You Feel Out Of Control?
Men often know what they need to do, but they have difficulty remaining consistent in their efforts because their emotions are constantly getting triggered by their wives’ behavior. If you’re moving through the stages, it’s crucial that you do an honest assessment to determine whether you can manage your anxiety and get your emotions under control on your own. If you’re feeling out of control and your behavior has become compulsive—don’t put off getting the help you need. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling – so you can stop analyzing—and stop operating from a mindset that leads to divorce.
#1 Source For Information About Female Infidelity
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn the REAL reasons women cheat, and:
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time getting over their affairs emotionally and psychologically
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn how to understand your feelings for your husband, and:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: Learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling
Get The Information You Need To Move Forward