How Obsessing About A Cheating Wife Kills The Possibility Of Saving The Marriage.
Are You Obsessing About Your Wife?
Obsessing is a natural response to loss; and in relationships it usually plays out in one of two ways: idealizing your partner or vilifying your partner. Men who move through the stages start out “idealizing” their wives.
Men idealize their wives after their wives cheat because they’re not ready to feel the full impact of their painful emotions over their wives’ betrayal.
Postponing the pain of betrayal happens the moment men know something isn’t right with their wives. Some men overhear phone calls, some find emails or read text messages, while others just have a gut feeling. But there’s always a moment when men know the truth.
The difference between men who save their marriages and men who move through the stages is: men who save their marriages are able to face the significant loss that occurred for them in the moment of discovery; while men who move through the stages, aren’t able to face this loss.
You see, in the moment of discovery, men lose something very significant. They lose the wife and marriage that lived inside their heads. In other words, there is a BEFORE you knew your wife cheated and an AFTER you knew your wife cheated – and the two are totally different. So you can’t see your wife the same way as you did before without denying some aspect of reality. And that’s what the idealizing form of obsession allows you to do – it allows you to deny certain aspects of reality; because it keeps the old picture of reality alive in your mind, and allows you to feel as connected to your wife as you did before. But it’s not actually your wife that you feel connected to – it’s the picture in your mind of the “way things were” that’s giving you comfort. The picture acts like a pacifier of sorts, that helps you to regulate your emotions.
If you’re you’re serious about wanting to save your marriage and you’re obsessing about your wife, it’s important that you don’t let your obsessive thinking kill your chances of saving your marriage.
Do An Honest Assessment. How Out Of Control Do You Feel?
Do an honest assessment to determine whether you believe you can manage your obsessive thinking on your own. If you’re feeling out of control—don’t put off getting the support and step-by-step direction you need to save your marriage. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out exactly what your wife is thinking, feeling and planning—so you can stop analyzing—and stop operating from a mindset that leads to divorce. Note: All book orders include a FREE COPY of “Save Your Marriage Now!” (For Men).
Recommended By Counselors And Therapists All Over The World
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat, And:
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time ending and getting over their affairs
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn How To Sort Through Your Feelings:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: Learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling