How To Deal With Doubts After An Affair —> What It Means When You Feel Uncertain And Can't Stop Thinking About Your Affair Partner After The Affair Is Over

Confused Woman

“I’m still thinking about Dave every day. It’s been a month since our affair ended. And I just can’t seem to stop thinking about him. I feel like I may have made a mistake. I don’t know what to do. It doesn’t seem normal for me to still be feeling this way.”

That’s how my client Heather, (not her real name) described her situation during our first session together. If you’re like Heather, then you’re unsure about what to expect after an affair ends. The article below can help prepare you for the lingering feelings you can expect and also give you a better idea of how long it actually takes to get over an affair.

Are You Having Doubts After Ending An Affair?

Affairs create disorganization (chaos and conflict) in the mind, particularly for women (which I explained in detail in Women’s Infidelity and Women’s Infidelity II); and women often think that making a decision will not only eliminate the chaos and conflict in their minds, but they also believe that the right decision will leave them feeling good afterward.

However, when it comes to affairs, it’s often not possible to make a decision that will leave you feeling good and “only” good afterward. This is simply one of the decisions in life that can make you feel sad or even awful afterward. For example, imagine if you had to choose between maintaining a relationship with only one of your parents or worse, only one of your children.

Now, you might be thinking that you would never have to make a decision like that; and you’re right, it would be highly unlikely for you to ever be in that type of situation. But there are definitely other decisions that you can imagine making that would leave you feeling sad or depressed for a period of time afterward, like taking your dream job in another country, far away from your friends and family. In a situation like that, you would likely be very happy about the job AND very sad about moving away from your friends and family—and you would definitely EXPECT to have those conflicting feelings ahead of time.

So it’s important to understand that you’re not likely to experience a feeling of happiness without also having feelings of sadness after making a decision to stay married (and the same would be true if you would have chosen to divorce). Having mixed emotions is normal, and it’s to be expected.

More Of What You Can Expect

After making a decision, you may have felt a sense of relief; or you may have felt happy, but your happiness may not have lasted very long; you may have experienced a brief honeymoon stage with your spouse. But that probably didn’t last long either.

It’s normal to feel happy and then sad or happy and sad at the same time. It’s also normal to feel sad and depressed for a long time after ending an affair. This is why women often start cheating again or end their marriages around the one year mark; it’s because a) they don’t know that it’s normal to feel nostalgic around the one year mark and b) they don’t know that it’s normal to still think about their affair partners and to still feel sad or depressed about the loss of the affair relationship. So it’s important to understand that it can take a long time to get over an affair (approximately 2 years), just like it takes a long time to get over cigarettes or alcohol, especially, if you’re not being proactive and you’re just waiting for your feelings to die.

To successfully get over an affair, you have to be willing to tolerate the discomfort that you WILL FEEL after you give something up. This is the same thing that a person goes through when they quit smoking. The person who is able to quit smoking is successful because they accepted and were willing to tolerate the discomfort of not smoking in order to “get over” their attachment to cigarettes and break their destructive habit of smoking.

Once you accept that you’re going to be uncomfortable for awhile, you can shift your focus and start experimenting with different things that can help you to feel better during the inevitable “uncomfortable” period after an affair.

Do An Honest Assessment. Do You Think You Can Feel Better On Your Own?

Moving forward after an affair is extremely difficult. Women often need help to move back into the the flow of life and feel like themselves again. If you’re struggling to feel balanced or “back-to-normal” again—don’t put off getting the help you need. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.

If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. The Women’s Infidelity books can save you months (or years) of unnecessary suffering. You’ll learn why it’s so hard for women to end and get over their affairs… and the 7 steps women must take to “Break Out Of Limbo!”

Order Women’s Infidelity Now

Recommended By Counselors And Therapists All Over The World

Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo

Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat

Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
Why women have such a hard time ending and getting over their affairs
Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages

Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo

Learn How To Sort Through Your Feelings:

How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
Men: This book is for you, too. In this book, you’ll learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking, feeling and planning.

 

Order Women’s Infidelity Now

Order Women’s Infidelity Now! … Find Out Why It’s So Hard For Women To End And Get Over Their Affairs

Get Advice From An Expert —> Schedule A Private Consultation With Michelle Langley