How To Forgive Your Wife For Having An Affair. The Real Reasons You're Struggling To Forgive Your Wife May Be Different From What You Think.
Are You Struggling To Forgive Your Wife For Cheating On You?
There are two types of betrayed men that I work with —> betrayed men who are desperate to get their wives to recommit to the marriage and —> betrayed men whose wives have already recommitted to the marriage.
Betrayed men whose wives have already recommitted to the marriage know something that betrayed men who are “in-pursuit-of-a-commitment” don’t know. Betrayed men whose wives have already recommitted, know that getting a commitment from their wives, doesn’t change anything.
Why Getting Your Wife To Recommit To The Marriage Doesn’t Change Anything
Getting your wife to recommit to the marriage doesn’t take away the pain of being cheated on; it doesn’t take away your insecurities about your wife cheating on you again; and it doesn’t make you STOP THINKING about your wife’s betrayal.
In fact, getting a commitment from your wife can actually make things worse for you instead of better, in terms of “thinking” about your wife’s betrayal; because men in pursuit of a commitment are focused on winning their wives back, so they have something “other” than their wife’s betrayal to focus on. While betrayed men whose wives have already recommitted, don’t have that luxury — instead, their minds are hyper-focused “on” the betrayal itself.
If this is the situation that you’re currently in, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Your mind has become your worst enemy — and you’re literally being tormented by the thoughts and pictures in your head from the time you wake up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night. And worse still, you can’t even shut it off when you sleep — because you can’t sleep. So, how do you forgive your wife for cheating on you, when you can’t stop thinking about your wife cheating on you?
You Have To Accept Three Things:
First —> Accept the reality of the situation. The reality of the situation is—you can’t stop thinking about your wife cheating on you. So accept that this is where you are right now and stop trying to change or resist the thoughts that are arising. As Carl Jung noted “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” When you accept that the thoughts are going to keep coming up for awhile, you can decide to go about your day without getting drawn into the “my wife cheated on me” thought stream. This is a very similar process to what smokers have to do in order to be successful at quitting smoking. To successfully quit smoking a smoker must accept that for a period of time thoughts about smoking will be running through their minds non-stop.
Second —> Accept that you must “do something” in order to feel better. By that, I mean, you must not only find an effective self-regulation technique (like EFT Tapping, meditation, deep breathing, yoga, or walking); but you must also make it a part of your daily routine — like taking a shower or brushing your teeth. This is not optional if you want to move forward.
Third —> Accept that you don’t really know how you feel about your wife yet. This can be scary for men who aren’t ready to face the possibility of divorce. But the reality is that you may not want to forgive your wife for a reason. For example, you may not want to forgive your wife—because, on some level, you know that you can’t trust her, and not forgiving her is a form of self protection. Or, maybe you can’t forgive your wife because infidelity is a deal breaker for you—and therefore, staying with your wife is a form of self betrayal.
To gain clarity you can ask yourself two questions:
1. What’s the upside of holding on to your anger?
2. What’s the downside to letting go of your anger?
Read question two twice—because most people just automatically assume that the question is going to be “What’s the downside to holding on to your anger?” The question is “What’s the downside to letting go of your anger?
Do An Honest Assessment. Can You Untangle The Issues?
Do an honest assessment to determine whether you believe you can untangle the issues on your own. If you believe your thoughts are too tangled together — don’t put off getting the support you need. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out exactly what your wife is thinking, feeling and planning—so you can stop analyzing—and stop operating from a mindset that leads to divorce. Note: All book orders include a FREE COPY of “Save Your Marriage Now!” (For Men).
Recommended By Counselors And Therapists All Over The World
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat, And:
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time ending and getting over their affairs
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn How To Sort Through Your Feelings:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: This book is for you, too. In this book you’ll learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling