During a recent consultation, Dylan (not his real name) said, “I really need to reinforce boundaries with my wife. My wife is still talking to the guy she had an affair with, and she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. But I don’t think she should be talking to the guy — and that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I need you to tell me how to reinforce boundaries with my wife.”

Shortly into our conversation, it was apparent that Dylan wanted someone to tell him the right words to say to his wife that would automatically trigger her to stop doing the behaviors he didn’t like.

Unfortunately, like many people, Dylan didn’t understand the process of setting boundaries and that’s why issues were still arising in his marriage around his wife’s affair.

Dylan was clear in his mind that he was NOT okay with his wife continuing to talk to the man that she had had an affair with. But Dylan wasn’t clear in his mind about “what he was prepared to do” if his wife continued to talk to the man that she had had an affair with.

You see, this was the REAL issue and nothing in Dylan’s life would change until he was willing to confront and resolve the REAL issue.

Resolve The Real Issue And You’ll Stop Feeling Powerless

Setting a boundary requires you to shift your focus away from what your wife is doing and/or from what you would like her to do, to “what you are going to do” if the unwanted behavior continues.

I explained to Dylan that he couldn’t reinforce boundaries with his wife because had no idea what he was prepared to do in response to his wife’s behavior.

I also told Dylan that his wife wouldn’t take him seriously, until he was serious; serious enough to get clear in his mind about what he was prepared to do if his wife continued to talk to her former affair partner.

You see, most of Dylan’s inner turmoil surrounding his wife’s affair was caused by him not knowing what he was going to do in response to his wife’s mistreatment and disrespectful behavior. Not knowing what he was going to do was causing Dylan to feel powerless — and nothing hurts more than feeling powerless.

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Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo

Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat

• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time ending and getting over their affairs 
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages

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