Are You Making The Mistake Of Suppressing Your Anger Over Your Wife's Affair? Learn How To Use Your Anger Over Your Wife's Affair To Heal And Save Your Marriage.
How Men Get Stuck
In case you’re not familiar with the five stages of grief that Kübler-Ross introduced in her book, On Death and Dying, the five stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Some people don’t think the stages are necessarily experienced in order and/or aren’t always experienced by everyone. However, I’m not one of those people. I believe the stages do occur in order and that we actually do move through all five stages when we encounter any type of loss (large or small).
In fact, I believe the only difference between a minor loss and a major tragedy is the length of time it takes for us to move through the stages. In other words, I believe it can sometimes appear as though we’ve skipped steps, when we’ve actually just moved through them very quickly.
For example, let’s say you wake up one morning and realize that you’ve overslept. You look at the clock and see that it’s 8:30; and you were supposed to be at work at 8:00. You immediately feel a jolt of fear and the thought, “I’m late for work” goes through your head.
However, then, you overlook the truth (that you’re late for work) and begin thinking thoughts like, “Maybe I’m not late.” “Maybe the clock isn’t working.” (Denial) Then your thoughts move to something like, “Dammit, how the hell did this happen?” “I don’t want to deal with this headache today!” (Anger) Now your thoughts move to something along the lines of, “If I hurry, maybe I can get to work, and slip into the office without anyone noticing.” (Bargaining) Next, thoughts like the following begin to arise, “This sucks.” “Today’s going to be a terrible day.” (Depression) Finally, you realize that there’s nothing you can do to change the fact that you’re late for work. (Acceptance) And that’s when the next step you need to take becomes CLEAR — call the office.
This whole process may only take a few minutes. But regardless of whether it takes you 10 minutes or 30 seconds, the appropriate action, which in this case is to call your office, can’t be taken, until you accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing you can do to turn back the clock and make yourself NOT LATE for work.
Men get stuck in the stages of grief when they suppress their anger in order to maintain a sense of connection to their wives. You see, anger is the emotion that leads to change; it’s the emotion that prompts us to take action. If you’re like a lot of men, you probably didn’t feel strong enough to stand on your own when you first discovered your wife’s affair, so you suppressed your anger in order to buy time to stabilize your emotions. This was a conscious or unconscious choice on your part to use your wife (the person who hurt you) for emotional support while you regained your footing.
However, this approach almost always leads to further deterioration of the relationship; because you can’t use the person who hurt you for support without causing yourself MORE harm. In addition, you also can’t use the person who hurt you for support without minimizing the harm they’ve caused you.
That’s why if you’re serious about wanting to save your marriage, you’re going to have to get support from a source other than your wife, and you’re also going to have to allow your anger to surface. This doesn’t mean that you should act out your anger, it simply means that you must allow your anger over the betrayal to surface without judging yourself for it.
Do An honest Assessment. How Out Of Control Do You Feel?
Do an honest assessment to determine whether you believe you can manage your fear and anxiety on your own. If you’re feeling out of control, and your behavior has become compulsive—don’t put off getting the support and step-by-step direction you need to save your marriage. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out exactly what your wife is thinking, feeling and planning - so you can stop analyzing—and stop operating from a disadvantaged mindset — because a disadvantaged (subordinate) mindset leads to divorce.
Note: All book orders include a FREE COPY of “Save Your Marriage Now!” (For Men).
#1 Source For Information About Female Infidelity
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat, And:
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time getting over their affairs emotionally and psychologically
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn How To Sort Through Your Feelings:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: Learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling