When Your Wife Cheats, Your Mind Often Becomes Your Worst Enemy. Learn How To Use Affirmations To Direct Your Thoughts And Regain Control Over Your Emotions.
In his book, The Miracle Morning, Hal Elrod writes, “Every single one of us has an internal dialogue that runs through our heads, almost non-stop. Most of it is unconscious, that is, we don’t consciously choose the dialogue. Instead we allow our past experiences–both good and bad–to replay over and over again. Not only is this completely normal, it is one of the most important processes for each of us to learn and master. Yet, very few people take responsibility for actively choosing to think positive, proactive thoughts that will add value to their lives.”
Prior to discovering your wife’s affair, you probably didn’t pay much attention to the the incessant stream of thoughts running through your head. But I’m sure that’s no longer the case now. If you’re like most men after their wives cheat, your mind has become your worst enemy. You’re literally being tormented by the thoughts and pictures in your head from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed. And what’s worse – you can’t even shut it off when you sleep – because you can’t sleep.
As Eckhart Tolle tells us in his book, The Power of Now, “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you…You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.”
It’s important to understand that the discovery of your wife’s affair didn’t cause the problem of the instrument taking you over—it simply exacerbated a problem that all of us have prior to taking responsibility for the thoughts we think and the feelings our thoughts create.
I Know You’re Probably Experiencing More Pain Than You’ve Ever Experienced Before
I know you’re probably experiencing more pain than you’ve ever experienced before. If you’re like most men, you feel shattered, and you don’t know how to get yourself back together.
To make matters worse, all the advice you’re reading tells you that you have to get your emotions under control in order to save your marriage. So it’s the ultimate catch 22. You don’t feel like you can get yourself back together without the security of your wife and marriage; and you can’t save your marriage without getting yourself back together.
If you’re in stage I or 2 it’s important for you to understand how your wife’s affair is affecting your brain. Fear and stress deactivate your brain’s prefrontal lobe—the part of your brain that controls important cognitive skills like problem solving and judgment. In fact, that’s why men get stuck in a futile pattern of searching for quick fix solutions, after their wives cheat; it’s because they’re not able access the part of their brain that controls long-range planning land inks cause and effect.
And this why it’s so common for men to spend approximately 18-24 months going in circles without making any progress; it’s because without access to their prefrontal lobe, they can’t tell that they’re not making and progress.
Unfortunately, this is what will most likely happen to you, if you don’t take steps to improve your mental and emotional state.
I want to stress how important it is for you to understand that your wife doesn’t have to do anything in order for you to improve the way you feel. You just have to want to feel better—and that’s the hard part, because men in stage 1 and 2 are afraid to feel better. I know that might sound strange to you. But the reality is men who move through the stages don’t really want to feel better—because they’re afraid if they feel better— they’ll no longer want to be with their wives. So you’re going to have to face this fear; otherwise you’ll sabotage any progress you make toward feeling better.
Simplest Technique To Take Back Control Of Your Mind
Because you don’t have a lot of energy right now, you need to start with the easiest thing possible to disrupt the automatic thoughts that are popping into your head and causing you to feel worse. Affirmations are an easy and effective tool that you can use to take control of your mind. However, at stage 1 or 2 men can get easily overwhelmed; and as a result, they often give up before any positive habits take hold. That’s why men at stage 1 or 2 must start the process of gaining control over their minds with the absolute easiest, simplest way possible.
Men can do this by picking “one” short affirmation or, what I like to call a “Focus Thought” to repeat over and over again in their mind.
For example, let’s say, you decide that your “Focus Thought” is going to be, “I’m okay.”
You may have to repeat your “Focus Thought” in your mind (or aloud, if you’re alone and that’s what you prefer) a hundred times or more to disrupt a negative thought pattern or obsessive episode. So in your mind, this is all you have to do, say, “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay” “I’m okay. “
This technique is extremely effective for the following reasons:
- Repeating one short affirmation (or what I call a Focus Thought) over and over again, pushes other thoughts to the background; and it also blocks more negative thoughts from popping up (especially if you repeat the affirmation quickly.
- It works immediately (usually in less than a minute). .
- It’s takes very little brain power because you don’t have to memorize anything and therefore, it won’t cause you to get overwhelmed.
- Because it’s so easy, you’re likely to keep doing until the affirmation sticks and becomes an automatic thought that arises without any effort.
Do An Honest Assessment. How Out of control Do You Feel?
Do an honest assessment to determine whether you can manage your fear and anxiety on your own. If you’re feeling out of control, and your behavior has become compulsive—don’t put off getting the support and step-by-step direction you need to save your marriage. Contact Ashley to learn more about scheduling a consultation.
If you haven’t read the Women’s Infidelity books, that’s where you need to start. You’ll find out the REAL reasons women cheat, the specific pattern women follow in their affairs and why now… women are cheating (at least) as much as men. Note: All book orders include a FREE COPY Of “Save Your Marriage Now!” (For Men).
#1 Source For Information About Female Infidelity
Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo
Learn The REAL Reasons Women Cheat
• Why women lose sexual desire for their husbands
• Why women are more likely than men to become addicted to affair sex
• Why marriage and fidelity can actually be MORE difficult for women than it is for men
• Why women have such a hard time getting over their affairs emotionally and psychologically
• Why women overwhelmingly initiate the majority of all divorces – even when they’re married to good men
• Why and how men unknowingly make the problem worse by doing the opposite of what they need to do to save their marriages
Women’s Infidelity II: Breaking Out Of Limbo
Learn How To Sort Through Your Feelings:
• How to know if your feelings for the other man are real
• How to understand your feelings for your husband – what it really means when you say, “I love him, but I’m not “in” love with him
• How to know if there’s a possibility for a future with the other man
• How to stop your circular thinking
• How to end your confusion and move forward in 7 clearly defined steps
• Men: This book is for you, too. In this book, you’ll learn how women process infidelity. Find out exactly what your wife is thinking and feeling