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The Truth About Women And Monogamy: What Do Women Really Mean When They Say They Are Unhappy?

Statistics on affairs are notoriously unreliable. Since Kinsey’s watershed study reported that 29 percent of wives and 50 percent of husbands had affairs by the time they were 40 years old, other research has put the stats as low as 15 percent of women and 25 percent of men to as high as 60 percent of women and 75 percent of men. The one consistent factor is the sense that women are more “naturally” monogamous than men.

A new report challenges that theory. Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, “I’m Not Happy,” conducted research over a 10-year period that indicates that women do, in fact, cheat as much as men…

According to Langley, most of the prevailing beliefs we hold about women were created and taught to control the sexual behavior of females in an effort to ease paternity insecurity in males. She says when females give birth they know the children they give birth to are biologically theirs. Males on the other hand, prior to DNA testing, had to rely on the faithfulness of their partners; which is the reason a sexual double-standard emerged. However, over time the sexual double standard gave way to a false belief that females were in fact naturally monogamous. Now, due to economic freedom and DNA testing Langley says, we are beginning to see glimpses of women’s true sexual nature.

Restlessness, while long understood in the male context, has been little explored among women. Langley’s study shows that many marriages proceed to divorce without the wife ever having explained-or even identified-the sexual restlessness that is in fact the root of the problem.





Are Women Naturally Monogamous?

With women initiating approximately 70-75% of all divorces, Women’s Infidelity author Michelle Langley believes the answer is a resounding “no“. Langley contends women frequently pursue separations and divorces under the guise of “searching for self” however, she states the real reason is often another man. Langley says it’s not uncommon for women to be happily married prior to having affairs. She also states that many men are being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives’ extramarital relationships.

Langley believes as a society we need to stop perpetuating the myth that females are naturally monogamous because in today’s world, it is doing more harm than good. She asserts in the past, prior to DNA testing, the monogamous myth was helpful in easing paternity insecurity in males. However, today, this erroneous belief keeps women from taking responsibility when they do cheat. When women cheat they typically put the blame on their husband. Langley believes women’s lack of knowledge about their own natural, sexual impulses makes them much more likely than men to leave their marriages due to their sexual attractions and affairs. Again, studies prove currently women are initiating approximately 70-75% of all divorces.

Researching women’s sexual behavior has been Michelle Langley’s focus for almost a decade. She began an independent inquiry into the subject after a series of unrelated incidents sparked her interest. Several years into her research she was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women she interviewed. She categorized these patterns into “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with the loss of sexual desire. Her book, Women’s Infidelity: Living in Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, “I’m Not Happy” delves head on into this controversial subject matter and is available for purchase at



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